许愿树

2009-12-26

I have a wish tree in my heart, in the shape of a question mark.

"What do you want?" it ask me, "I fullfill any wishes!"

"I want him." I say.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

And we go on, "Really?" "Yes." "Really?" "Yes." ...With each "Really" my "Yes" seems weaker. Then I start to doubt, I become scared, I don't know what to do. Until I got so uncertain that I start to ask "Really?" too.

So it becomes "Really?" "Really?" "Really?"...

I get so frustrated. I cried and cried. I blame fate, I blame myself, I blame I blame everyone including you. Why does she get what I want? Why don't I get it even I tried so hard? Why...why...and why?

Maybe that's why none of my wishes get fullfilled. Each of my decision is followed by a "really?". I am never sure of myself. I open the ANU website no less than 20 times but I never have the courage to apply. I tell myself that maybe it's just fate and I'm doing this just to punish myself, just to make sure that nobody gets what I want the most. Or do I want it the most? I'm just not sure.

 

P.s. I open her blog today you know. It's so sacarstic that under the title there is "ivy im comin". I know the "Ivy" is not me, but I just can't help to think that it's me whom she is coming after. I know I lose you not because of her, but I don't want to lose you to her.

Nikon FG::DNP 100 | The question mark tree.

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